Matters of the Heart

When I was in Kolkata I invented a game for my colleagues and I to play. Now this game isn't particularly original - or fun for that matter - but it is a game none the less. The rules are simple. You see a couple while you're out and you ask: arranged marriage or love marriage? Then everyone has to give their guess.

Arranged marriages and love marriages exist side by side in India today. I liken the relationship to that of radio and television. Radio may be the older medium but it has not been supplanted by television. There are people who fervently argue that one is better than the other. There are also those who may change their opinion on the topic depending on the circumstances. And then there are those who couldn't care less between the two as long as they get their entertainment.

Even though I invented the marriage guessing game, I am really bad at it. Horrible, actually. Here's why. I had this assumption that just because you haven't chosen who you will marry that somehow you'd be paired with someone that you would never want to marry. I imagined that talented, pretty young women would be arranged with guys who were three times their age or who had severe flatulence problems and diagnosed halitosis.

But that's actually not the norm. At least from the outside, on a purely superficial level, couples who are the product of arranged marriages seem perfect for each other. After all, these couples are matched based on similar levels of attractiveness, education, family income and social status, with the guy usually two to three years older and two to three inches taller. In other words, they are mainly matched on the criteria that from the outside they look like a good fit.

Love marriages are a whole lot messier than that. Love is not bound by caste or class, religion or age, horoscope or height. Love is what makes you see beyond flatulence and bad breath. Love is what accounts for the lopsided couples I see around.

Now if you want to ask me which of these couples I think are the happiest or are the most likely to stand the test of time, I cannot say. I'm still trying to figure out the strategy to that game.