More on Birthdays

Last night we went to the four-star hotel Mayfair Lagoon to celebrate Saryu's birthday. The Mayfair is home to one of three clubs in Bhubaneswar willing to serve alcohol to women. As this was a special occasion (and because we sweetened her up a bit with leftover birthday cake), the warden agreed to grant us a curfew-free evening.

Now don't get too shocked/excited about this leniency. Everyone in Bhubaneswar knows that night-life completely shuts down by 11:30 pm.

We left our hostel around 8pm and arrived at the club about twenty minutes later. The first thing we noticed when we walked through the door was a conspicuous absence of women. Best estimate, I would say that the room was 87% filled with men. One of my coworkers quipped to the host that we'd like to be seated in the female section. This gender imbalance was a stark reminder of how other women in the city living in hostels or with their families also have curfews, and some of them are as early as 7pm.

Despite being in a definite minority at this club, we had a nice time. We danced, ate dinner, and, most importantly, didn't worry about the time. When the bill came, Lisa paid and we decided to settle who owed what later.

Then this morning came and we got hit over the head with another cultural difference. Lisa and I thought we'd be splitting the bill three (possibly four) ways, whereas the Delhi girls thought Saryu would be footing the bill. The debate about the bill went around in circles for awhile with one side making arguments like "Of course, we would pay for you, it's your birthday." And the other side making arguments like "Of course I'd pay. It was my birthday."

When it was clear that this conversation was going nowhere fast, I was schooled in how birthdays are celebrated in India.

So at midnight, all your friends and extended family members call you. You say a quick thank you for their calls and then tell them that you will call them back later. In the meantime, your immediate family and very close friends gather around with birthday cake and gifts. This is the first round of celebrations.

After the Happy Birthday singing and the gift opening, you begin calling everyone back. You may be up till about 5am returning phone calls and sharing your birthday plans for the following day. Then you sleep for a couple of hours before you begin the next rounds of celebration.

During the day you may cut cake and open gifts with coworkers, different groups of friends, and possibly also a significant other. It is not uncommon to cut cake three or four times on your birthday. Then in the evening, no matter your age, you have a big dinner to which you invite everyone that you would like, and in gratitude for all of the gifts, you pay for dinner.

I said it before, and I'll say it again. Birthdays are serious business here.